El Salvador Adoption – Home – Week 1
August 20th, 2009
Posted by Beth
Hard to believe that we’ve been home a week. Still seems so surreal.
I’d be lying if I said everything’s going smoothly. We’ve certainly been faced with a few challenges this past week. But we’ve managed to hang… and live to tell about it.
I’ve always kept this journal honest… a gut-check to ourselves and to others who want to blaze down the international adoption trail.
What advice would I offer to others?
What would I change for ourselves, if only one thing??
Language.
Especially with an older child who does not speak any English.
Do not fool yourself into believing you don’t need to be fluent. (”It’ll be okay”… “your child will understand…” “…if you know some spanish you’ll be fine… ”…he’ll pick up our language fast…”)
All those phrases–offered with good intentions, mind you, from my team of encouragers– still haunt me.
The fact is, I should’ve trained for Spanish the way I’ve trained for my marathons: With intense, focused preparation.
Still…communication is getting a little better each day.
I’m not fluent as an 8-year old. More like a 3-year old. And that seems to be working okay from Nestor’s perspective.
At least for now.
Praise God for our friend Sandy Sachs–and others–who have helped us with our countless phrases and translations.(ex: How do you say, When mommy says no, she means no, period!)
Nestor’s second grade ESOL teacher (at his soon-to-be Elementary School) has visited the house many times since we got back (starting with the day after we arrived home). She’s taken a keen interest in him, and she’s been brilliant. A real lifesaver, coming by in the afternoon.
Gracias Señora Andrade!
I did manage to find some great vids on Youtube in Español…. and most DVDs can be played in Español with Ingles subtitles… which has been muy importante… Nestor being able to hear his own language throughout the day. It has made the transition easier and has helped with him moving into the stage of attachment.
The scope of that grief–and what it means to him… one day, I’ll hear him tell me.
But it won’t be any time soon. Maybe 10 or 15 years from now.
Meantime, his favorite movie is “Spirit – Stallion of the Cimaron.” It’s about this wild mustang who roams the West and makes friend with another loner… and American Indian.
I think Nestor identifies with the story. 
Seems like we’ve watched it 20 times already.
Also, we checked out two Español books at the library yesterday: El Caballos (about horses) and Blue Va Al Escuela (Blue Goes to School).
Matthew’s doing better. Back to his degree of normalcy. He’s playing golf with a friend today (thanks Sandy Smith for taking him to play with Conner), and I know he’s enjoying the time away.
Thank you to everyone who has called, written, provided gifts, and just asked to help us however you can. Simple things like running errands and doing chores… are a bit monumental now, but we’re managing.
For example, Matt had a little “Nana time” yesterday with my Mom and shopped for a backpack and new sneaks for school. It was great having an extra set of eyes/hands/feet here, for a little while. We need it.
Daryl’s sister visited last weekend with her boys, and Nestor had a lot of fun playing with his Aunt, Uncle and two new cousins.
After seeking some counsel from others, we found that using a daily behavior chart with check marks has become a great visual aid to help Nestor earn the things he likes to do. So far his preferences are “piscina” and “pelicula” – pool and DVD.
His behavior is rooted very much in getting his own way–and when things don’t go how he wants, he acts out and gets upset. No surprise there, considering coming from an enviroment with 100+ kids, and if he didn’t like something, he simply went elsewhere.
The daily behavior chart has been a big help. It’s reminded him there are rules and boundaries, and acceptable and unacceptable behavior… and most importantly that things can not always be about yourself. (A new concept it seems).
It’s going to take some time, without a doubt.
But we continually tell him that all four of us are a family.
That family’s love one another and protect one another no matter what….
….and that no matter what happens, family’s always respect each other and take care of one another.
He’s happy. You can see it.
We can feel it.
But I can only imagine what he’s thinking and how he feels with his world turned upside down.
Last 5 posts by Beth
- El Salvador Update - Month 12
- El Salvador Update - Month 3
- El Salvador Adoption - Home 1 Month
- El Salvador Adoption - Home - Through Week 3
- El Salvador Adoption - Home - Day 1
From Bonnie
I think of you guys often I know it is a tough love but you have alot of prayers that will continue to pull you though. take care enjoy
it is all a blessing.
08/20/09 7:18 PM | Comment Link |
From Lisa
It was great to see you at school today and meet Nestor. I cannot imagine what is going through his head. Big changes for you and him too for sure. Matt is so handsome and glad he is getting some free time for him too. Jeanice is awesome and it is awesome to know you have such support, esp. on those rough, frustrating, exhausting days! Be well and forge on, I am sure I will be seeing you around the school campus.. once again. Lisa
08/20/09 8:55 PM | Comment Link |
From Blanche
Can’t wait to see you. Things a little hectic here, but will call you soon. Back to Orlando tomorrow for follow-up from Herman’s surgery on Monday.
Will be in touch soon. Have complete confidence that you can meet all you challenges, but know it is difficult. Think of you and pray for your family daily.
Love,
Blanche
08/20/09 10:18 PM | Comment Link |
From Sandy
Indeed some Spanish it not enough to communicate with a child that was not at all exposed to English. However Nestor does understand the language of love and having a loving, caring family will make all the difference in the world. Once he starts school and English classes, things will be better.
Bendiciones,
Sandy
08/21/09 10:50 AM | Comment Link |
From Bob Ballard
Beth and all the family, we have enoyed your commentary about the continuing saga of your adoption of Nestor. To say the leqst your all have a huge task ahead and we pray that all will work out with God’s blessing.` You are to commended for your fortitude and we know that God has a hand in all of it. Mat God Bless you all. Love ya! Uncle Bob & Aunt Jan
08/23/09 1:01 PM | Comment Link |
From Al Mora
Daryl and Beth,
I’m sorry that I have been so out of the loop that I am only now finding out about Nestor and that the adoption journey is now at an end. It’s been a busy year for me and clearly I have not taken enough time to reach out to my friends.
Anyway, The two of you continue to impress and amaze me. You have been through so much. Your faith sustains you and God’s love is clearly at work in your family.
The day will come when Nestor understands that God’s plan for him was that the four of you are ment to be together.
I hope you guys will be around on Labor day weekend. I hope to be passing through town and it would be an honer to meet your new son.
PS, Nestor will not need a translator to know when Momma means no. I’ve seen that look on your face Beth. He has probably already figured it out.
Best wishes and love to all
Tio Alberto
08/25/09 11:45 PM | Comment Link |
From Lorri Jaques
Beth,
I hope that things get better soon for you guys… but I can imagine the trials you are going through. What you said about him not liking something and just going somewhere else, and now that is not an option… my girls were a lot like that when we got them. It has taken a while for them to understand their boundaries, but one day you will see that ray of sunshine that will become the full sun very soon! Older children adoptions are very trying (even without a language barrier) and I am praying for you and Daryl to provide the guidance to pull your family all together for many happy years to come!!! It is such a marvelous thing that you have done… you have literally saved a life… Good luck and call us when you make it to Frostproof!
Lorri Jaques
08/26/09 10:48 PM | Comment Link |